*I just want to apologize in advanced for such a long post. Just imagine you’re reading a chapter in a book. [After all, this is literally a chapter of my life.] Surely, you read more words in PT school (or random internet articles), so enjoy this page-turner!*
Well, after weeks of dealing with mixed messages and limited comprehension, the paperwork is in – it’s official: I’m on a break from PT school.
It’s pretty shocking, especially since I’m in my second year of school. You would think that I have gotten the hang of studying and practicing hands-on skills. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case.
What Happened?
In all honesty, the basic explanation is that I was failing in one course and struggling with a ‘C’ in another course by the end of midterms.
Allow me to elaborate: I failed the first practical [including the re-take] and midterm exam of the semester. [Seriously, I was one or two questions away from a C.] I met with my professor afterwards to discussed what happened. Based on my participation in class and some online and in-class quizzes, my professor was surprised to see that I failed. He also said that even with a perfect score in all the remaining assignments, quizzes, practical, and final exam [Let’s be real, that’s impossible for me.], I would be at a C.
Context: While the clear consequence for failure in a course is dismissal from the program, our program has an academic standards and policies in regards to C’s:
- If you receive a C, you’re in academic probation for the next semester.
- If you receive another C during your probation period, you are subject to dismissal.
Essentially, C’s are no bueno. That’s why the catchprase that kept me through PT school is, “B’s make PTs.” Since the beginning of PT school, I have been earning B’s, and by that, I would study just enough to get over the B/C borderline. [I do have some A’s – enough to count them on one hand.] So how did I get through five semesters of PT school? Doing well enough on hands-on practicals that tested my skills to balance my C’s in exams that tested my knowledge on concepts taught in lectures.
During this meeting, I explained to my professor my frustrations of wanting to be done, so my parents can retire, I can start making $BANK$, and have the freedom to do what I want [I was planning on taking a break after PT school before finding a job.] I also opened up to my professor about my self-doubts of my career choice. I’ve had these doubts since the beginning of PT school, but the only times I would experience them was after my poor performance on exams, which happened more often than you’d wished based on the context I gave you earlier. His response, “When you have the time, you can do some ‘soul-searching.’ In the end, you have to do what makes you the most happy.” This is the first of many cry sessions.
I continued to study for my other exams. I precieved that I studied more than usual, only to the result of two more failed exams. In response to these outcomes, I spoke to the professors of these respective courses. Both meetings were only constructive as we laid out the next steps to raise my grade. They ran pretty similar to my first meeting – including the self-doubts and tears. I also spoke with the department chair. At this point, the plan was to withdraw from this course only and proceed with the remaining courses.
It was at this moment I told my parents about the future of my education. I didn’t feel the need to tell them prior because what can they do? Nothing except provide emotional and spiritual support. While they were disappointed that I didn’t tell them I was struggling, they accepted the results as long as I was in the program and graduate.
For one class, the future of getting a ‘B’ in the class was forseeable. Unfortunately, the other course was the opposite. Prior to the practical, I was nervous, anxious, and thinking of what I can do to just get a good grade [a satisfactory ‘B’]. I even did some power posing [semi-confidently]. Due to poor clinical decision making and patient handling, I failed another practical.
I waited until I got back to my apartment to cry. I felt like the world was against me. I called my parents, telling them through the tears, “I failed my practical. I won’t move on to next semester.” My mother responded saying, “All this time, you have been working hard and overachieving. Maybe this is God’s way of telling you, ‘You need a break.'” I talked to my aunt, who was a great listener and another positive support. I also called my classmate, Thu, who came to my apartment, comforted me, and encouraged me to finish the rest of the semester.
After talking with the program’s department chair the next day, the only solution was to withdraw from classes and re-take them the next time they would be available, which is the summer of next year. This means that my graduation year is delayed to 2021. That means there are only 44 people in the Class of 2020, and I will not be graduating with the co-hort I got to know so well. [I sent them an email at the end of the semester. At this time, I just want to say thank you for my classmates who responded and sent me kind words of support.]
It’s been almost a month since this series of events. I have reached a point of acceptance, and I’m optimistic for what is to come.
To learn why all of this happened, go to the next page!
Megan Francisco says
I appreciate your ability to be transparent ! Your steps in life are ordered and ordained by God, so listen to your heart and allow His grace to guide you during this time of healing!!
Jordaine Enriquez says
Thank you so much for reminding me of God’s grace and timing. Wishing you happiness and success as you enter your 3rd year of PT school.
hidalgokat says
Hi Jordaine! I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles in PT school that you need a break. On the other hand, I love your outlook and attitude towards these changes! I’m sure it wasn’t easy to get here, but you sound so calm and ready to take on what’s next. Your perseverence is inspiring. I so look forward to what you have ahead of you, PT or otherwise!
There’s so much of your story that resonates with me, so I’m so grateful that you share your story!
Jordaine Enriquez says
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I’m not gonna lie, it took time to process my feelings and reach acceptance of all that has happened. I finally realized breaks are a good thing. I look forward to updating you on my journey.